


Lean on Me

by Beezow_Doo_Doo_Zopittybop_Bop_Bop



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Adorable, Canon Universe, Crack, Derek and Stiles are Dorks, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sheriff Stilinski Finds Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 20:14:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6768421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beezow_Doo_Doo_Zopittybop_Bop_Bop/pseuds/Beezow_Doo_Doo_Zopittybop_Bop_Bop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles wasn't ready for his life to change so fast, wasn't ready for the responsibilities, but he knew he could always count on Derek and his father to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lean on Me

**Author's Note:**

> I know this wasn't what you were expecting, but it's pretty great, right? Right?!?

Stiles wuz an draggon. well he were a dragon-man... so he wuz just a men... butt he wuz stil STIIIIILES!

and stiiiiiles had a secquet (dats slang for secret): evan tho he had ALOTS of freinds, and was reeeeallly popular at his local highschool, things were all abouz ( ~~dat bass~~ ) too change...

Beecuz...

Stiles

Was

  
PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!11!1!11!

"i know it's wierd!" stiles whispers to his pet plant, Robert the Plant. "butt, well. thats eggactly wut it was. buttsecs. THAT IS HOW I GOT pREGGERS!!! LOL!" stiles tryed two laugh it off, butt instead, he cryed into his spaghettie.

"aww, noodles. i liek spegahetty," Robert said.

"sense win hav u been a talking plant, Bob????" stiles questioned.

They're was no response. stiles cryed agin becuz of dat. 

Then sheriff dad came in.

  
" _Sie_ Sind Das Essen Und Wir _Sind Die Jaegar!"_ said dad da utter human.

  
"wut?"

"Ised, styles, why crying?"

stiles was pregnant, thats y he wuz crying, butt he couldn't tell his popo dad dat. dad red da bible. lord bby jeebus sed u couldn't even hav "dirty" buttsecs!!!!!!!! even tho jeebus is always inside of you! wuT A hIppocrite!!!!! baby hippos, smh.

Stilez called up his boifreind, Derek da man wolf. derek wuz da hairest man wolf uv dem all, lol! He wuz da foshizzle to stiles'  nizzles... if ya no wut i mean, wink wink. 

Speaking of nizzles, dereck nizzled his way in2 da room, and he b all liek, "HEY, PABLO! PABLO! SHERIFF DAD. GET DA HECK AWAY FRUM MA BABy INFUSED WIFE, U DIRTY RubBER DUCKIE!!"

dad wuz soooo suprised dat he laid a golden egg. They named it dad. dad cooked his sun dad in2 a omelet, becuz bois were NOT supposed to b PREGNANT!!!!

"IT'S UR TURN, STILES!" sherif dad shouted acrost the room. "yOU BAAke YO DIRTY ASS FETUS IN2 A DAMN OMMELETTE! IT WILL PROBS TASTE PERTY GOOD IF U PUT DA RIGHT PEPPERS IN IT!!!!!'

styles cryed again. Robert b liek smh and sed, "smh." 

derekc got a tv dinner. "did i misst anyting?"

STILes puked up his tear-inflicted spaghethietie wen he saw da tv dinner. "U KNOW I ONLY LIEK KIDS CUISINE, DER-DER!!! HOW COULD U, U WIENER WE WERE ALL COUNTING ON U!!!"

suddenly, styles went into labor. da 16 nd pregant filmers arrived just in da nicke ov tiem. "wait," they said. "donut pop it out just yet, we are still setting up!!!"

stiles tryed to hold it, but liek a fart after a hefty serving of taco bell, it just wouldn't happen dat way. dad rushes 2 da kichen where another teen wolve character resides, quickly grabbing da frying pan and sum budda. knot dat fake zomg i cant beleeve its NOT BUTTER crap, no, he got fresh for realzies butter straight frum da local amish man's nipnips (dats slang for nipples guys).

he held da pan directly under stiles's's's' manlady parts (read: his asshole -_-) and scREEMED, "PUSH, STIIIles! PUSH LIEK UR POOPING!!!!!!!!!!"

"GET DAT PAN OUTTA MA FACe!" STILE"S"S"S" BABBy EAGLE SCREECHED, LOUD ENUFF 2 B A CLOSE MATCH 4 MURICAS FREEEEEDOM!

Derky-Der-Derp-Derek-Wolf-person-taco came bakk frum da local walmert wid three kids cuisines. "LOOK, MAMA. I CAUGHT MASELF A KIDS CUISIENEIN!" when he saw da scene b4 him---da camera crew, da fryin pan, da everyitng---he laid a golden egg, witch dad ussed to fry up anutter quicke omelette. they named it dad.

than a bbaby fiiiiiinallly came out ov stiles' manlady parts (read: his asshole -_-). stiles cryed wid how bootiful it was! It was...

it wass...

it WWAAAAS...

A BALLOON~~~!!!!!!!!!

"kyaaaa!" screamed mom i mean dad. "It iz so balloonitful! we cantaloupe eat a ballonn liek an omeletee! let's instead name it.!!!"

"yo dis aint be yo kid dis is not an incest fanfic!" stiles pointed out.

"oh yeah."

"wut should we name it---" derek began, butt b4 he cann finish, da balloon popped wid a loud pop noice bc dats wut ballons do wend poked wid a needle.

"whoa der nelly," said Robert.

"MA bbEeAnZ! I MEAN BALLOON I MEAN BABBY!" shouted da no longer pregnant male. aka stiles. he wuz not pregnant. not anymore, anywayz. "hmm well sence we iz hear anyway, migth as well announce..." stiles began. "i am mpreged up again! dats rite, bitches! and dis tiem...

it

iz

...

SHERIF dADDY'S BABY!!!!!!!"

Derek's face went :O and so did da ccamera crew and robert and dad, all 4 diff reazons.

derrek smiled liek da hairie man wolve he was and squealed liek a wild banjo, "CONGRATS! IM SO HAPPY FOR U GUYS! BOY OR GIRL??!??!"

robert frowned. no he didnt. he's a plant.

DAD ScReAmEd AT DA TIPPY TOP OF HIS TIPPILY TOP LUNGS, "I. DO. KNOT. ENGAGE. IN. DA. DURTY. BUTTSECSSSSSS!" butt then he smiled. "MORE OMELETETEES!"

stiles smiled.

he guessed itt was a incest fanfic after all.

**Author's Note:**

> if u donut leave kudos at dis point, u donut support mpregnancy. its a serious issue guys. 158456 men are affected EACH DAY. every kudo left is a prayer to lord bbby jeebus.


End file.
